give fight for blood

it's been too long since i sat down here by my computer and talked. or typed. it doesn't matter. it has been way too long, the months' just flown by and i've barely gotten the chance to gather my thoughts. don't get me wrong, tiring as it may be, it's been a positive whirlwind, i face new challenges each day, and meet great folks during and after hours.

i suppose a part of it has been long, because i've been working 10++ hours daily, and who knows how many more hours. it's almost like i'm also shelling out part-time work hours, except that i don't get paid for it. i'm not trying to be mercenary about this, but when you're sort of in 3 projects, plus playing for two services in church, it takes its toll on you.

i'm not looking for a reward, or a break, i just wanna know how it's done effectively.. well, maybe i wanna know if it makes a difference, that would be the reward, to address the insecurities in my own heart, and to be validated.

i've had many brainwaves this past week, but it doesn't get blogged down, because well.. i can't publish every thought that comes to my brain anymore, and i obviously don't wanna twitter you to death. so in any case, my brain's already starting to shut down, and i really am getting slightly jaded on this whole 'being virtually connected with everyone' badge i used to wear. even if i still believe it, alone time is very important. and i'm glad i sort of had that, hanging out with bb today and just not having to think about other things, or what other appointments i might have later in the day, just kicking back to watch the simpson's and whacking the PSP were all great ways to collect myself after being yanked around over a fortnight. both profession and recreation.

life used to be a bit more whimsical, a bit more flippant even, more carefree.. after working for ten weeks, responsibilities really do make up a big part of the cross i'm carrying, and i'm starting to wonder, how much of it do i surrender to the Cross, if not everything, but with the whole fanfare of me finally being a working adult, i take some stuff to seriously sometimes.

just a thought.